Finding your Center of Gravity
In early 2020 I read something that seemed to, in a moment, pull together a swarm of thoughts and feelings that had been tumbling around within me for months.
“For most of my life, my center of gravity always existed outside of me...”
I was feeling stuck inside a job that I both felt was my calling, and knew was completely unsustainable. I was growing increasingly creative about how to channel my frustrations and not convey my true feelings so I could continue to do the work that I loved and was so good at… visualizations of fighting bears for my survival during heart-pounding spin sessions, focusing intensely on eating my breakfast in leadership meetings so my lack of a poker face was harder to discern, continually expanding my repertoire of ridiculous and vivid metaphors and analogies to recount my experiences…
In that moment, reading how graphic novelist and fellow recovering people-pleaser, Yumi Sakugawa described feeling perpetually tethered to something, someone outside of their own self, subverting their perspective to adapt to the rhythms and preferences of others, I felt something shift. There were words to wrap around the dissonance I’d experienced my entire life between having such a strong point of view and sense of self, but also wanting the constant approval of others. That was the root of my challenges at work. And at home. And every time I tried on jeans, or met a friend for lunch. I thought this push-pull was a sort of balance. I remember I made that argument when I got first feedback on my Hogan assessment results… But in reality, I think it was a betrayal. A denial instead of a true reckoning.
I wanted that to change. I wanted to find my own center of gravity, grounded in who I am, what I value, and what makes me thrive. For me that looked like:
Getting comfortable with the idea of being disliked, or at least risking it
Defining my worth outside of just my work, what I contributed to others, and being perfect
Identifying my non-negotiables at work and home
Not shrinking down the “tricky” parts of my personality (being opinionated, assertive, verbose, confident, sometimes showy or loud), but instead learning to integrate them and harness them for good
Making that list was a lot easier than doing the ongoing and intentional work of self-development, but with the support of mentors and loved ones I got to experience the joy that comes with helping our best and most authentic selves emerge and thrive.
“I am my own center of gravity... I am the the ultimate authority, the last executive decision maker on how to live my own life.”
Finding my own center of gravity helped lead me into my next role, where I grew immensely as a consultant, strategist, and developer of people and programs. And it led me to where I am now.
Since that realization in 2020, I’ve had many, many chances to “put my money where my mouth is” at work about the tenants above but none more fundamental than the choice to walk away from the corporate career I focused so intently on building to pursue my own path as an independent consultant and coach. I quit my job. Without another, “better” job lined up. I had to tell people, with my whole chest, that I was betting on myself. That by taking a risk and stepping into the unknown, I was somehow more deeply anchored than I had ever been - within myself, my values, and my vision of the important work I could do to help shape a better, more inclusive, fun, and creative future.
And I am willing to take that same bet on the under-represented, and often under-resourced, mission-driven talent out there. I want to see those future leaders emerge and thrive by helping them figure out who they are, what they value, and what makes them successful, so they can bring their whole, authentic, best selves to their work each and every day. I saw in my own life how data-driven and compassionate personal development can be transformative, and I want to help democratize access to high quality coaching, training, and emerging leader development that is often out of reach.
I’m ready to work together to find your center of gravity and amplify it for impact - are you?
